Psalm 111:9 says, “He has sent redemption to His people; He has commanded His covenant forever: Holy and awesome is His name.”
My most gracious Heavenly Father has cared for me through my sin, the sin of the world that affects me, and physical and emotional scars rendered by myself or others. He reveals more and more of who He is as He lovingly directs my path and cares for me.
I’ve been sick lately. Sick in my colon. Beginning at age 35 I had pre-cancerous polyps removed. I began to wonder if cancer was among God’s final providence for my life on earth. Imagining my husband and son without me here to care for them was devastating. God reminded me that I am not my own. My husband and son are not my own. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NKJV says, “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.” These scriptures helped me surrender this turbulent time of fear of the unknown. I was able to release the death grip and place my life back into His trusted hands.
As the years go by, He walks with me on this winding path. I do not know what is around the next bend, but I prepare as much as I can with the knowledge that He has given me. I practice self-control to keep my eating habits clean. One by one, precancerous polyps continue to be removed. The internal scars are multiplying. The invasive colonoscopy procedure is difficult for me because of my past rape experience. In the wilderness of my heart, I press into Jesus. Only He is with me in this place. Only He can heal me completely. Only He can translate my unspeakable feelings. Only He can cover me in His blood and make me acceptable to God. Only He can bring me unspeakable joy. Only He collects each one of my tears because they are precious to Him. Only He can sit at the right hand of God and pray on my behalf. Only He can give me power over the effects of sin. Only He can claim me as His own. Only He has power over flesh. Only He gives life. Only He allows death. Only He knows the number of my days on this mortal earth. Only He can relieve my troubles. Only He can bring me home. Only He. Only He. Only He.
Psalm 56:3-4, 8 NKJV says, “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?”, “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?”
My Father in Heaven reminded me once again, that my existence is by His grace alone and that He is the only One who has saved me from eternal death.
Titus 2:11-14 NIV says, “For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope- the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.”
I am an eternal resident elsewhere. I can try to gain temporary comfort in this life, but it is just that, temporary. My efforts on this earth have an eternal weight if I first remember who I am in Christ and then wait on God to lead me. I must acknowledge that I belong to Him at every turn along the way. I must slow down and deny my own desires before I can hear His voice and know His plan for me. It is important that I refrain from my natural inclinations on a regular basis. I need to be hanging on more and more tightly to God’s plan and less and less onto my own. When I find myself in uncomfortable, trying times it is especially important for me to lean into His plan. God bestows peace through the storms.
Mark 4:39 NKJV says, “Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.”
Isaiah 25:8 NKJV says, “He will swallow up death forever, And the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces; The rebuke of His people He will take away from all the earth; For the Lord has spoken.”
Jeremiah 33:6 NKJV says, “Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.”
Hebrews 11:13-16 NKJV says, “These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He had prepared a city for them.”
Fully Known 